


Total Drama: Finale

by HoppsHungerFan



Category: Total Drama
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoppsHungerFan/pseuds/HoppsHungerFan
Summary: A year after the successful debut of the Ridonculous Race, Don Chizzleton has been called to host the final season of Total Drama, featuring many contestants from Total Drama Island, Total Drama World Tour, Total Drama Revenge of the Island, Total Drama Pahkitew Island, and the Ridonculous Race. What will happen with 60 contestants--two of them being celebrities, and two of them being inanimate objects? only time will tell (In progress)





	1. Opening Theme

**_The Opening Sequence:_ **

 

(The screen cuts to various scenes around Neo Wawanakwa. The guitar rift picks up as the camera takes shots at various scenes of the island changing. First shown is a team of chefs throwing a series of foodstuffs outside the kitchen into the trash. Next shown is a series of volleyball poles, seemingly appearing from the ground, making dust settle wildly. The last shot shown in rapid succession is of the pristine beach playing host to a massive wave that crests over the shore.)

_Dear Mom and Dad I’m Doing fine_

(The camera changes to an aerial shot, zooming past a clapboard and a refurbished deck, with **Don, the productive host** , greeting a yacht as it appears on the island)

_You guys are on my mind_

(The camera falls off the gentler named 30 foot cliff, still the highest spot on the island, taking shots of **Bridgette, the surfer girl; Geoff, the hard partier; Lightning, the athletic overachiever; Sky, the Gymnast; Eva, the female Bully; and Tyler, the Clumsy Jock as the fall into the water** )

_You asked me what I wanted to be_

(In the water the previous six meet up with **Cameron, the bubble boy Braniac; Scott, the trouble maker; and Emma, the Lawyer** Their meeting is short lived as Fang begins to chase all nine of them)

_And I think the answer is plain to see_

(Emma is suddenly dragged up by two hands, **Noah, the High IQ, and Kitty, the Selfie Addict** . They row away rapidly on a boat as Fang leaps out of the water, carrying **Irene, the Placebo**.)

_I WANNA BE FAMOUS!_

(Their boat pulls up on land, stopping on one of the docks. The camera catches **Amy, the mean Cheerleader and Taylor, the spoiled brat,** making fun of **Chet, the petty instigator and Lorenzo, the movie freak** as they fail to flirt. They are stopped by **Sammy, the good twin** , who begins to argue loudly.)

_I wanna live close to the sun_

(The camera moves on to the forest, where **Beardo, the human soundboard; Ella, the Fairytale princess; Leshawna, the Sister with ‘tude; Trent, the Cool Musician; and Jasmine, the Outback Survivalist** are having a bit of an impromptu dance party. There’s a slight shift as the camera pans to show **Harold, the Dweeb, and Shawn, the Zombie fanatic,** face off in a ‘mighty’ duel.)

_So pack your bags ‘cause I’ve already won_

(Both wind up knocked out by **Mr. Coconut, the Reliable one,** as **Duncan, the Delinquent** points and laughs. **Dawn, the Moonchild,** Lightly slaps him and encourages him to join her, **Dj, the heartful brickhouse; B, the silent one; Zoey, the hipster; and Mike, the Dynamic** in a circle. He brushes her off to pine after both **Courtney, the type ‘A’; and Gwen, the Loner** , both of whom shrug him off)

_Everything to prove nothing in my way_

(Duncan pays no mind and walks off, almost trampled by **Jo, the Take no Prisoners Jockette,** as **Staci, the Motormouth,** plods along, trying to catch up. The Camera follows them to the main center, showing **Brick, the Army Kid; Alejandro, the Arch-Villain; Junior, the hip kid; Heather, the Queen bee; Izzy, the Psycho Hose beast; and Owen, the Chill partier,**  as they play a friendly game of volleyball)

_I’ll get there one day_

(The camera moves into a chaotic scene in the mess hall. There, **Leonard, the Larper and Tammy, the Larp-Along** , stand in the corner, casting spells in an unknown direction. The camera zooms out to show a disgruntled **Dave, the Neatfreak** looking disdainfully at the two of them before resuming his conversation with a non-mutated **Ezekiel, the Prairie boy.** They continue to talk as a ‘glown up’ **Beth, the wannabe,** works with **Lindsay, the blonde princess** , paint their nails and do their hair. On the same table **Rodney, the Country Boy** , gushes at a photo of an unidentified redhead)

_‘Cause I wanna be famous_

(The camera zooms through the kitchen, revealing **Chef, the lethal cook,** working with an unruly pot. It zooms out once more and shows **Max, the Evil Genius** , cackling before falling in a pit. **B, the silent genius** works on getting him out, only to have his mechanism destroyed by a misplaced foot. Oblivious, **Justin, the Eye Candy,** skirts the pit and moves onward, tailed by **Katie, the nice girl, and Sadie, the nice girl’s best friend,** where they walk on the beach.)

_Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!_

(The camera briefly zooms over the beach, where **Cody, the Geek, and Sierra, the Uber Fan,** are for once having a civil conversation as they walk onto the docks. Cody turns slightly and out of habit, Sierra sniffs his hair.)

_I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

(The view shifts to another area of the docks, where **Sam, the gamer,** is playing a game on his Pintendo, oblivious to the fact that he’s falling in the water. **Dakota, the mutated fame monger,** catches him and he curls up in her arms. She fails to save **Topher, the** ~~**Chris Wannabe** ~~ **Fame Hoarder,**  who looks up with an awkward smile and swims away, waving to a tanning **Sugar, the Pageant Queen,** on the shore. **Anne Maria, the Jersey Girl** , looks on with boredom as she gushes at a photo album of several hot total drama guys)

_I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

(The splashes that Topher makes as he swims away soars into the sky, which turns dark, and cuts away to a famous bonfire scene. **Chris, the Host with the most, and Blaineley, the Drama addict,**  fight over the head seat in a circle before being escorted by Chef, as Don takes their spot. The camera zooms out on the peaceful scene, showing the characters in various states of relaxation.)

(Clockwise from Don, sits Topher, Dakota, Sam, Sugar, Max, Katie, Sadie, Justin, Dawn, Duncan, Courtney, Gwen, Dave, Irene, Bridgette, Geoff, Mr. Coconut, Eva, Lorenzo, Kitty, Emma, Noah, Cody, Sierra, Lightning, Staci, Leshawna, Harold, Jasmine, Shawn, Rodney, Beardo, Ella, Leonard, Tammy, Junior, Trent, Heather, Alejandro, Cameron, Brick, Sammy, Owen, Izzy, Blaineley, Mike, Zoey, Anne Maria, Ezekiel, Tyler, Lindsay, and Chef. It is a tranquil scene with most people resting idly as they let the fireplace warn them...too bad they won’t get this in the show)


	2. Chapter 2

**_Prelude:_ **

_ [The sound of a gavel hitting a placemat rings through the courtroom. The honorable Judge Mary Beverly Worthington sits before a court. The defendants are a team of four individuals, one of which is the dishonorable Ed MacDonald. Prosecuting are at least fifty indivuduals, led by one Michael Wargrave.] _

 

Judge Worthington: I WILL HAVE ORDER IN THE COURT! 

 

(Spectators quite down)

 

Judge Worthington: You may continue Mister Brian Spellbody.

 

_ [Brian Spellbody is a man on the jury, the lead juror so to say] _

 

Spellbody: We the Jury in the case of Total Drama Contestants V. Total Drama Producers rule in favor ot the Total Drama Contestants. 

 

Judge Worthington: Very well. A payment of $300 million is to be distributed among the prosecutors and the producers shall be sentenced to 25 years of prison for failure to portray events realistically and irreperable damages in the lives of  Alejandro Burromuerto, Amy Contessa, Anne Maria Guiseppi, Beverly ‘B’ Smith, Bernard ‘Beardo’ Allison, Bethany ‘Beth’ Shoulders, Mildred ‘Blaineley’ Stacey Andrews O’Halloran, Brick McArthur, Bridgette Greene, Cameron Corduroy Wilkins, Chet Killinger-Davidi, Christopher McLean, Cody Emmet Jameson Anderson, Courtney Gutierrez, Dakota Milton, Dave Katima, Dawn Etheria, Devon ‘Dj’ Joseph, Duncan Tanner, Ella Borealis, Emma Sho, Eva Tandrobaum, Ezekiel Boxhall, Geoff Ballard, Gwen Devinne, Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V, Howard F. Hatchet, Heather Nuo, Irene, Isabella ‘Izzy’ Shapiro, Jasmine McAuliffe, Josephine ‘Jo’ Cutthers, Dwayne Fullard Junior,  Justin Kahale, Katie Widener, Katherine ‘Kitty’ Sho, Leonard Goldsmith, Leshawna Douglas, Rudolph ‘Lightning’ Jackson, Lindsay Pommare, Lorenzo Davidi-Killinger, Max Grazi, Michael ‘Mike’ Campanelli, Mr. Coconut, Noah Eddrickson, Owen Henders, Rodney Jones, Sadie Wong, Samuel ‘Sam’ Archibald, Sammy Contessa, Scott Adderson, Sierra Mayer, Staci Pollard, Shawn Callister, Sky Locklear, Suzanne “Sugar” Abbott, Tamara “Tammy” Aldricks, Taylor Dooridge, Christopher ‘Topher’ Burgund, Trenton ‘Trent’ Cleaver, Tyler Allison, and Zoey Dycholllif. 

 

_ [Cheering comes from the persecution side. Many of them have had their lives wronged by the incorrect portrayal of the Total drama Scandal] _

 

_ [Cut to a smaller room] _

 

Don: I have a court ordered approval to see you all. The public is a huge fan of total drama, and they’ll be ever the more glad to see their favorite characters are recovering. The trial has given you all approximately four and a half million dollars each. However, we wish to put you into one last total drama to redeem all of you. The animated Series did not do you all justice, so this final season will give you all justice, should you choose to accept it. Five million will be offered as the cash prize, with 2.5 million goign to the first runner up and 1.25 million to the second. Money will be of no problem this season, it’s just a chance to redeem yourselves. Do you accept?

 

_ [The sixty two in the room look at each other, and sign the contracts given in front of them. Don is a better host than Chris was, and Chris knows it.  Chef Hatchet Signs on as a co-host, as his contract states. Chris and Blaineley look disgruntled but sign off as contestants. There are more opportunities for redemption ahead. This isn’t just a competition, this is redemption. But it’s still Totally DRamatic. _

* * *

**So this took a while :| I really had no idea how to continue but I hope you like the justification. This will be a mix of Total Drama's signature style, but I'd also try to fix some aspects that were ruined through Total Drama**


	3. The First 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first episode begins and there are 22 contestants arriving first. The first of 5 characters where we meet the cast because there are so many cast members. The sixth chapter will begin the actual challenges

**_5 dozen Victims plus one:_ **

 

_ [Total Drama: Finale is aptly named, for it is the final season of the ever popular Total Drama franchise. Accompanying 51 out of 52 returning competitors are two hosts, two inanimate objects, and 6 newcomers debuting from their sister show.] _

_ (The actual episode opens up on an eerily familiar site. It has the feel of the old Wawanakwa stomping grounds, but looks infinitely more refined. Already the docks give off the old feelings of the stomping grounds, where many contestants took their walk of shame. Even the waves seem to be well cultivated for the redo of Total Drama.  A man stomps on the decks, clad in dapper casual formal wear, just a sweater vest and trim pants. He’s attractive and looks well for his age.) _

 

Don: Hi, many of you may know me from The Ridonculous Race. Today marks the 7th year anniversary of a legendary show. Total Drama, started from humble beginnings in an island, on a camp called “Camp Wawanakwa.”

(On screen images show just how total drama has happened to change over the years.)

Don: From CAmp Wawanakwa, to Waddle Piddle studios, to the Total Drama Jumbo Jet, back to Wawanakwa--Twice, and finally to Pahkitew Island! Now, we return to the roots, painstakingly created from our producers, in this new, state of the art, totally secure, modern artificial island. Welcome, to NEO WAWANAKWA!

(The camera zooms around, showing stunning vistas of the new island)

Don: With our contestants arriving soon, they’ll soon be thrust into their first challenge in this mega two parter. One contestant will be gone per episode, and all will be challenged. From our originals to ridonculous race debutants, they will all battle for the grandest prize...of

Five

Million

DOLLARS!

(Don is suddenly on the docks once more, holding his arms out where he announces the episode.)

Don: Come back to us to find out just who wins the mega prize, right here, right now, on TOTAL, DRAMA, FINALE!

 

_ Theme Song _

 

**_Initial Cast:_ **

 

_ [A massive yacht has pulled up, and the contestants aboard are all to eager to get out onto the island. It brings back memories, good and bad, but none spared from mutilation from the Total Drama Cartoon, slightly based on reality.  The first girl steps out, perky as she was when she first stepped onto the island, hari still in a ponytail, still in pink pants, but gone are the scout’s vest, the braces, the glasses, and the double chin. She’s beautiful, much like her best friend. She’s now clad in a pink sweater and stands at 5’4”, two inches taller than when she first arrived. ] _

 

Don: Beautiful Beth! My the fans must be marvelling at how you’ve changed! But you’re still the Beth the fans know at heart, right?

 

Beth: Of course I am! It’s just so Incredulous to be here again! I hope that I can go all the way! I have motivation at home you know? 

 

_ (She holds out her hand and reveals a dazzling gold diamond.) _

 

Don: Well I hope I’m invited to the wedding!

 

Beth: Of course you are! So long as you aren’t like Chris or Blaineley or Heather or Al on their off-days!

 

_ [She leaves the dock to take a seat under a covered awning, where she sips on lemonade served by Scuba Bear and Fang and Sasquatchanakwa. Chef is smiling much more than usual when he gives Beth a plate of amazing steak) _

 

_ [The next Boy to arrive stands as tall as he was before. A flat seven feet one inches, this gentle giant has a white soul cap on his head and a massive chest. How else can such a big heart fit in a body like his? He may look intimidating but his large hands allow for gentle hugs.] _

 

Don: DJ! How’s life treating you?

 

DJ: Treating me well Man. ever since that--oh I can’t say what happened here, right? ( _ Don shakes his head) _ Well Momma’s got her cooking show, my brothers are off in college, and I’m a published author! I’ll be happy to sign any copies if you have any, not to brag of course.

 

Don: Please sign it! Chef and My wife are such huge fans of your recipes. How is your dear rabbit?

 

DJ: Bunny? He...he died two  years ago...but his memory lives on with Robert, Vanessa, Shin,  Charlotte, Felicity, Abigail, Will, Mel, Nathaniel, Randy, Fallon, Adam, Candace, Desiree, Krystal, Constance, colton, Coby, Cheyenne, Zachary, Giselle, Tanner, Nicole, Harrison, Jack, and Michael. They’re his kids.

 

Don: Our pal Dj a grandfather? And you look so great!

 

DJ: I do try to moisturize. ANd Momma taught me the best, plus I don’t take care of all of them, Dawn and Ella help me out.

 

_ (He leaves to join Beth under the awning and begins to pick at a salad, wincing at the sharks but happily chatting away with Beth.) _

 

_ [Showing up next is the second of six finalists. This classic girl still sports teal highlights in her hair and fishnet stockings. She just likes wearing dark. Though considerably peppier, this girl still has an intimidating sneer, and overall is unchanged.) _

 

Don: Gwen! Our midnight beauty graces the dock!

 

Gwen: Thanks again Don. It seems to be so much more fun the second time around. So this is Neo Wawanakwa? Gosh this takes me back.

 

Don: Well that my friend, is the point. Did that interior design class ever work out?

 

Gwen: Why don’t you ask your mother? _(Don looks hurt for a moment before Gwen pulls out her cellphone_ ) She was my first client and I think she loves her house quite much. _(Gwen shows Don a picture of a woman on the phone, hugging the bright airy draperies with a bright smile on her face. )_

 

Don: I haven’t seen her in a year! This work looks lovely!

 

Gwen: With the next five million I’ll help out in micro-apartments in Tokyo, Paris, and other interantional cities. Of course if no one here doesn’t pay for one.

 

_ (She’s handed some fillet of sturgeon-fish by Chef hatchet, who salutes her proudly and she salutes back.) _

 

_ [Music blares from the yacht as the next contestant, a remarkably muscular dude clad in an open pink shirt. His cowboy hat easily adds at least threee inches to his already impressive height of 6’ 8”.  He came to party with his lifelong friends, and the five million only sweeteens the deal… _

_ …. _

_ Brah] _

 

Don: Still as party-hardying as ever, aren’t we Geoff? 

 

Geoff: Totes! I mean you know I still have to keep things modest. Love you Bridge! For the viewers at home, we’ve been happily married for over four years!

 

Don: Well if you’re already happily married, what would you do with the money?

 

Geoff: REnovate our house for a sick sufing party and renovate our small beach!

 

Don: Great ambitions Bro, hope to see more of ya.

 

_ (Geoff walks up to Gwen, old friends from the Island, catching up with each other as Chef stands to the side, taking selfies) _

 

_ (An easily recognizable silhouette steps out. Barring a new green headband, everyone’s first princess still looks the same as always. If anything she’s looking even more beautiful, but that may be due to the lighting. The former cheerleader steps off teh boat with big blue eyes of a doe.) _

 

Don: Lindsay! In tip top form I assume. 

 

Lindsay: Of Course….you’re not Chris...aren’t you David?

 

Don: Same old Same Old with your airheadedness.

 

Lindsay: But I feel something in my head? I’m just joking with you Don, in the years since All Stars I’ve gotten more smart, but I do have an angle to keep up.

 

Don: So I take that you’re now a multi-threat contender?

 

Lindsay: Haven’t I always been?

 

_ (She walks up to her bestie, Beth, and eagerly squeals about Tyler’s new style and ring) _

 

_ [The most infamous female villain slides out the door,  69 inches of lean, mean, competitive villain. Her hair has suffered many losses through the years but is now to her original length, and she still wears a flattering crop-top, only blue instead of red] _

 

Don: Heather! Our Queen Bee. Once again here for another chance at the million.

 

Heather: It’s practically guaranteed for me. 

 

Don: Still going to be up to your old tricks?

 

Heather: We’re all friends now, it’s just a game, so no hard feelings….Right? ( _ She adds the last sentence hesitantly) _ . I wouldn’t expect some people to compete because they already have four million in the bank, but to over double it would help out.

 

Don: Still as cutthroat as ever.

 

Heather: I love these guys, but I don’t want you to misunderstand me. This is just a game, but money is a great prize.

 

_ (Heather walks up to Geoff and Gwen smiling. They’ve overheard her conversation but brush it aside. She’s gotten better since World Tour, and they can manage some civil conversations. Still, what she said is cause for suspicion.) _

 

_ [A heavy metal riff accompanies the next contestant. He’s reformed now, but his facade of a bad boy still reigns supreme. His now red mohawk glistens in the sun and he’s gotten one or two new piercings.] _

 

Don: There’s our signature bad-boy. Out on good behavior.

 

Duncan: You know I missed this place. Not that old dump hell no, but being with people I can easily exert control over.

 

Don: Those juvy days are over Duncan.

 

Duncan: And here I’m someone again. Ever since World Tour my attempts at crime have left me paying fines, the extra 5 million is due to help. Plus I get to bash some heads in.

 

Don: We do have enforcers

 

Duncan: But it isn’t technically illegal.  _ (Don looks at him dumbfounded while he rifles through the contract. _ ) I can’t break the law if I don’t know what it is. 

 

_ (Don can only look on in intimidation as Duncan joins the growing party, stabbing a steak eagerly with his newly repaired knife to the laughter of the other contestants. A smirk grows on his face. ) _

 

_ [Contestant Number Eight takes a flying leap off of the bow of the ship, finally landing a successful dive before a piece of luggage cloncks him on the head He gets up, dusting off his bold red windbreaker and light blue jeans, sporting a hairstyle similar to the fashion contest in Total Drama World tour.] _

 

Don: Tyler, finally nailing one of those epic landings, how’s your head though?

 

Tyler: I’ve been through worse you know, I pulled a rope and a sandbag fell on my head. Last year alone I had one concussion

 

Don: that’s terrible! Are you medically cleared to compete?  _ (He looks through Tyler’s files and finds the doctors cleared the jock.] _

 

Tyler: I’m going to keep a clear head, it’ll help with my physical perfection oh so much, and when I have Lindsay on my side we’ll be unstoppable!

 

_ (He joins the growing party under the canopy, sharing a kiss with Lindsay after she jokingly asks if he’s Tyler) _

 

_ [One of the signature geeks of the show gets off the boat with little fanfare, carrying the same luggage that he took with him first to the Island. His hair is slightly shorter but still remains as ginger as ever, yet he seems a little bulkier-- it’s not enough to offset his frame at all.] _

 

Don: Mister Harold McGrady! Welcome back to Camp Wawanakwa

 

Harold: I wasn’t aware that Neo Wawanakwa would be so….accurate. I have to guess that you used an ROV and rapid prototyping set in order to create the scale models in order to accomodate. It seems like the animals would--

 

Don: We have a lot of people to go through, and wouldn’t you want a bigger audience for your theories?

 

Harold: Of course, but there’ll be plenty of time for that in between the challenges to show our Mad Skills

 

_ [Harold walks to the party and drops his keyboard on the growing pile of luggage. It’s steadfastly reaching a height of 13 feet and a diameter of 10 feet. HArold and Duncan exchange playful banter before, like old times sake, Harold’s pants are pulled down.] _

 

_ (The next contestant, number 10, walks out with a guitar on his strap. He still has a mop of black hair and his shirt remains green. Many things have changed through Total Drama but his charming good looks have remained.) _

 

Don: Trent, lucky contestant number nine!

 

Trent (laughs a little): I’ve hard that joke so many times but it sounds a lot funnier coming from you Don.

 

Don: That you were actually teh tenth contestant arriving and not the ninth?

 

Trent: ACtually, I didn’t realyl think of that. You know most people know about Total Drama from the adaptation, so I recieve a lot of jokes from that.

 

Don: And is the number nine---?

 

Trent: Yeah, but I’m not obsessed with it. Let’s leave that to the adaptation.

_ [Ready to leave the fictionalized one behind, Trent joins the group, warmly greeting his friends before happily taking a piece of a shrimp cocktail. One of a dozen initial interns takes his guitar and sets it up. He’s ready to play for a bit when the next boat comes.] _

 

_ (A flash of blond hair marks the next contestant disembarking the fabulous yacht. She carries with her a standard surf board and teal duffel bag. She doesn’t intend to spend a lot of time here but she’s in it to win it, husband be darned.) _

 

Don: Bridgette! Ms. Greene if you would.

 

Bridgette: Hello Don, I just thought that I’d tell you that since we’re free from those contracts, I’m now Mrs. Bridgette Greene Ballard.

 

Don: Oh, married now are you?

 

Bridgette: Have been for four years. Geoff is such a great husband and I know the two of us will sweep the competition while making great friends.

 

Don: It’s great to have you back. You and 60 others are tied for my favorite contestant.

 

Bridgette: Oh dearie me Don! Showing favoritism? Just wait until I tell the others.

 

_ [She swings her surfboard around, whacking Don in the head, making the host the third slapstick victim of the season. Both her surfboard and her bag are dropped clumsily on the pile of luggage before she runs to her husband, kickign a chair in the process.] _

 

_ (The next contestant has his head covered by a book, not an easy feat considering his massive forehead. There are less wrinkles on the top of his forehead and in all fairness it is smaller. He’s still clad in too many layers and now the layers have spread to his legs, as he’s now in khaki pants and two pairs of tube socks.) _

 

Don: Isn’t it our Pal Noah?

 

Noah: Nice seeing you here Don, I clearly haven’t seen you since the Ridonculous Race, exempting the mutual contract signing by the former total drama celebrities.

 

Don: Just as sarcastic as ever. Say how’s the love--

 

Noah: The love life? Emma’s competing on this show with her sister and her boyfriend, so I doubt that you need a recap this soon.

 

Don: It’s all in the script Noah, I ask these questions to get our new fans aboard.

 

Noah: Fascinating. Now if you don’t mind me I smell something edible from Chef.

 

_ (his backpack and three bags are dumped off and he saunters off to join the growing group under the canopy. He’s the butt of the jokes for now, but his wit shoots down any and all attempts. Duncan still offers that piercing but Noah just laughs it off.) _

_ [The next boat’s arrival is heralded by the sound of a big horn, much like the big bodacious bombshell that drops off next. Her hair is now a little curly and the kumquats on her shirt are now oranges, apples, and bananas. She’s also sporting a small tattoo on her forearm] _

 

Don (finger snapping): Le-SHAWNA!

 

Leshawna: DON! (also does the finger snaps) Hey you, it’s better to be back now that those contracts are gone! They were more restricting than a pair of skinny jeans!

 

Don: Pretty neat view you have coming off of the dock, isn’t it?

 

Leshawna: Boy I’ll say! It’s amazing how much this is accurate! Something tells me you used rapid prototpying in order to make those trees off in the distance and used ROV’s to take care of some of the further mountains.

 

Don: Funny thing, Harold said the exact same thing a while back.

 

Leshawna: Oh did he now? Well there goes my shot at being original, but don’t worry, my booty and I are still gonna make an impact!

 

_ (Dropping her leopard print luggage off she jogs up to the party, slapping her boyfriend’s booty as she runs up. She meets up with old friends and warmly regards Heather. Yes, the entire cast is friendly now, but they all know the game is about to begin and friendships will have to wait.) _

 

_ [A conjoined pair of boats comes up next. This one is unique in that two contestants come off of it. Similarly dressed but with different body styles are two girls who have now ditched the ponytails andhorizontal stripes in favor of blouses and pants.] _

 

Don: Katie! Sadie! Welcome back!

 

Katie: Oh my goodness Don it is so great to be here!

 

Sadie: Like Totally Katie. Now we can compete as friends for a much longer time!

 

Don: Now a lot of people missed you, so tell us, will the two of you survive separately?

 

Katie: That is such a typical question, isn’t it Sadie?

 

Sadie: It is so typical, but no harm in asking. Katie and I have been separated for longer periods of time now. She went to a college in the States and I stayed here.

 

Katie: And now I’m working on several research papers on the importance of friendship.

 

Sadie: I have just finished earning my bachelor’s in the foster care system.

 

Katie: So if you need a new foster worker

 

Sadie: Or need a paper to sound smart

Katie & Sadie: MY BEST FRIEND CAN HELP YOU OUT! EEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

Don: Just as loud as the veterans have said.

 

Sadie: Well we did have a long time to practice.

 

Katie: That’s actually our motto. My boyfriend and I are working on expanding a network of foster care and Sadie is my right hand CEO!

 

_ [The two girls scamper off, dropping their bags and separating as they begin ordering only the finest cuts of chicken from Chef before listening to Trent sing an impromptu song.] _

 

_ (After the pair of friends settle in the next boat arrives. A scraggly young man is flanked on either side with two pristine orderlies in nice medical hats. His skin is now back to normal and his hat fits nicely on his head.) _

 

Don: Now Ezekiel, we promise to make this season of Total Drama safer for you. You were exposed to feralism and radiation so your medical aids are permitted to stay here.

 

Ezekiel: No thanks eh, these ladies are pretty tough and I think it was tough healing that needed to cure me either way, eh. Thank you ladies.

 

_ (The two women give Ezekiel a kiss on a cheek before taking a smaller boat back to the main civilization.) _

 

Don: So what’s up Ezekiel?

 

Ezekiel (actually getting the joke looks up): I think I see a bird, eh?

 

Don: Do tell me if you believe--

 

Ezekiel: Guys are stronger and smarter? Not all of them are smarter and not all of them are stronger. Guys and girls both are human beings, which are stronger and smarter than any animal eh. I’d know. Those ladies were smart with getting me rehabilitated and helped pin me down during my freak outs.

 

Don: As i said, we will have your nurse assistants on call if need be.

 

Ezekiel: Oh no thanks, they know that I’m more independent now.

 

_ [With hands in his pockets, he shuffles to join his new found friends. They treat him like one of the gang, occasionally poking fun of his overblown sexism while actually showing concern about his recovering humanity and diminishing ferality] _

 

_ (Another geek steps off the boat next, having gained some bulk and height, but still sporting a noticeable gap tooth. His hair is parted more attractively to the right. He stands slightly below average and still has a skinnier look to him.) _

 

Don: Cody! 

 

Cody: Don! Pretty nice crib for us to trash here-- okay I know I’m supposed to say my line here but Wendy would kill me!

 

Don: Oh don’t be silly, isn’t that Sierra’s job?

 

Cody: That’s the thing. Wendy is Sierra’s best friend. Sierra set me up with her after she got over me. She now ships the both of us.

 

Don: So Sierra isn’t a stalker to you anymore?

 

Cody: Nope. She hasn’t been telling me about the guys she stalks so she’s either not stalking or keeping it hidden. We’ll find out during the show I’m sure. Love you Wendy Babe.

 

_ [He strides down the deck confidently, barely bristling against the piles of luggage and meets up with the rest of the crew under the larger canopy. He’s quick to tell everyone that Wendy has his heart and waits with Trent and Justin on the small stage for the arrival of the last drama brother.] _

 

_ (The next boat upon arrival is silent and leaves in a hurry. The conestant it dropped off carries a weight in one hand and has three bags piled all up on her back. She remains as stoic as she was, though she has some new accents on her ponytail.) _

 

Don: Eva, it’s great to see you here!

 

Eva: It better be worth it for the fans. I hope my anger management strategies last me.

 

Don: Well Zeke is here and totally not sexist!

 

Eva: I knwo you’re telling the truth in a way that is to instigate my manner of aggression. 

 

Don: (is speechless)

 

Eva: I’ll humor Zeke when I meet up with him but he and I are on good terms you know? I’m a temporary worker at his farm and I’ve seen his progress, to humanity, away from feralism, and to a more equal opportunity employer.

 

_ [She grips Don’s hand in a death grip, shaking him tightly, and throws her luggage onto the precarious pile. She almost storms to the canopy and gets a raw cut of steak before sitting down with Zeke, a friend of hers as they catch up.] _

 

_ (A yellow boat accompanies the next contestant but swiftly leaves once he  shifts his weight onto the dock. Yes, it stands, he’s not as heavy as he once was. Liposuction helps but he’s taken a unique work out approach with his on again off again girl. He wears glasses now but the same shirt as years ago.) _

 

Don: Oh Owen! You look great today!

 

Owen: Thanks Don, but I don’t need compliments to know that I look great.

 

Don: You do look different, and it must be the glasses. 

 

Owen: I have been making process towards my Ideal weight. The skin could still use some work but it’s not like anyone cares. I’m just hear to win the million dollars! 

 

Don: It is five million this time Owen.

 

Owen: Oh yeah, I knew that. I just get my words mixed up.

 

_ [The cast looks over and wave over their favorite hefty friend. He sees the buffet and begins overloading on his favorite healthy food, gluten free meatloaf with a carrot for good measure.] _

 

_ (beeping accompanies possibly the most infamous contestant while she steps off. She looks virtually unchanged save for some new shoes and a more high tech PDA.) _

 

Don: Miss Courtney, you do understand that while we do have wi-fi, we do not allow personal communicators as we have enough technology to account for that. And your lawyers have understood the terms to which you signed.

 

Courtney: Oh I know, I was jsut logging  off with a farewell. I have a lot to make up for and no PDA is going to distract me from those tasks. 

 

Don: And you do have a lot to make up for with that--

 

Courtney: I have now developed a physical repulsion to Neopolitan flavored Ice Cream Sundaes so please do not mention that episode. 

 

Don: Understood. So will--

 

Courtney: Play things friendly? I’ll be friendly but competitive my few but loyal fans expect the best from me.

 

_ [She joins the rest of the canopy party after taking a deep breath. The cast welcomes her with open arms but you can see the faintest hints of worry in her eyes.] _

 

_ (A melodic tune signals the arrival of the next boat, which pales in comparison to the next male model of a contestant. Yeah he’s been marked as only the second most attractive total drama male but he’s still amazing eye candy, clad in red and sporting a new hair style) _

 

Don: Our Pal Justin! How’s it going?

 

Justin: IT’s going great Don, I’m actually running a modelling agency now. My great second in command is handling things rather well.

 

Don: Any reason to believe that your business skills would help you survive this season of total drama?

 

Justin: Not qutie sure on that end you know, but anythign is possible, I’ve seen a lot on this show.

 

_ [With an air of confidence he leaves Don befuddled on the dock. The drama brothers greet their final member with a warm hug and give him a tambourine. The party now has a soundtrack for the rest of the guests.] _

 

_ (Last to appear of the original cast is a firey redhead. She still sports green that is only covering her up a little bit more. Then again, her shorts are somwhwat shorter so what is she wearing?) _

 

Don: Hey there Izzy!

 

Izzy: Oh hi Don! It’s going to be so great to be here but I-- 

 

_ (she has fallen in between the dock and the boat. Don rushes over to help the first female slapstick victim) _

 

Izzy: but if anyone chooses to mess with me they’ll get bit!

 

Don: Izzy, are you okay?!

 

Izzy: Yeah why wouldn’t I  be? I’m just a little wet that’s all. 

 

Don: ...well how have you been?

 

Izzy: I’m okay like you just asked a minute ago. I know we’re not supposed to interact with the cameras but they look so high tech. Oh, how many fingers can teh camera see me holding up?

 

Don: Izzy you aren’t holding up any.

 

Izzy: Maybe to your untrained eyes but the camera sees all!

 

_ [She jaunts over to the rest of the cast members with a half insane look in her eyes. The party begins again as she shows off some of her work out skills with Owen, who continues to munch on a celery stick.] _

 

Don: Now that we’ve gone through the first 22 contestants, we’ll be right back after these messages with 6 cast members you never would have seen coming!

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, it's just the theme song, and I hope you like it. Let me know :)


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